I was this '-' close to going up to each parent+child set and YELLING at them to shut the f--k up. I am not kidding. I had a full working day yesterday and was looking forward to a nice long sleep on the flight home. I ensured I chose seats during my online check-in, that were as far away from the bassinet docks as possible. I even got the flight attendant to hand me a pair of ear muffs. I thought the horrible little buggers would pipe down after take-off. But no..... their agony was obviously intended to last for longer-term maximum impact. I very nearly threw my pillow at one, and my neck-rest at another.
Which brings me to the point of this post - I am an ANGRY YOUNG WOMAN, and have been for all of 2010. I reflect upon the year that has just gone by - and all I can say for my general state of mind is: angry, frustrated, embittered. I have cursed far more than a lady should, I have hurt those near and dear to me, and I have somehow acquired an attitude of minimal tolerance.
I remember I had a bit of a temper when I was a kid. After years of conditioning and counselling by my mother, I learnt over time to control, to re-direct, to tolerate, to behave. But this past year I threw all that I had learnt out the window. The temper has returned back with a vengeance, its ugly head rising from the burnt cinders of self-destruction.
I am not proud of it. I offer no explanations, and no apologies. This is me, and this is way I can be.
The power of prayer has slowly ebbed away from my life. I read recently that meditation (as separate from religious prayer) is a good technique to listen to your inner voice, to talk to the voices constantly chattering away in your head, and to eventually trust those voices enough to 'know' that your instinct is right. Your gut instinct.
So, 2011 is the year I am going to make an attempt to meditate for a few minutes everyday, to help me know 'me' better. The anger should subside on its own if I succeed. I cannot guarantee success. But I can surely have a half-decent crack at it.
2 comments:
Being short tempered is not as bad as it sounds. There are phases where one feels angrier than most times. It happens with most people.
The fact of the matter of is its 'ok' to be angry. Its even ok to swear! Once one reconciles with the fact that its simply human to get upset, angry, however unjustified it might be, its easy to negotiate with anger.
However, what is equally important that when one is indeed angry, at that point of time, simply do not interact with people with whom we share sensitive relations. One simply doesn't want them to witness what could be seen an unsavory example our personality.
Therefore, as long as we have at least that much control to not allow the angry side of our personality to surface at a time, which might potentially damage our relations, we can be content that its alright to be angry, swear, even temporarily harboring a feeling of burning the whole world down :-)
After all its people with strong opinions who get angry!
One of the manifestations of angers - Sometimes a person has opinions/views, which are not easily comfortable with most people because they challenge conventional thinking, or most people are not able to understand their line of thinking. Therefore, the person decides to hold his/her opinions back, not to displease other people, much against their own wishes.
When we self - curtail free expression of our thoughts on a regular basis, we are effectively doing something against our will, it builds up negative energy. The negative energy in the form of anger begins to get released on trivial matters, which probably at other times wouldn't have affected that person.
Hope 2011 brings you 'calming' influence to you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OVGbdOG7dA
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